Monday, November 07, 2005

Old Thoughts & Doings

To bring ya'll up to date, here are the pre-blog thoughts and doings that have been scribbled since September 3rd. They are dated and in order...

Sept 3, 2005

*Decided I will chart what I do and think starting now
*Watched Firefly on DVD [Explan: I love Firefly and watch it a lot.]
*Gave up Firefly to listen to 'I Call Your Name' by the Mamas & Papas
*Looked up HAIRLESS on Google
*Freaked out about American Hairless Dogs and how they appear to also not have any feet (They have no feet in the picture)
*Listened to The Doors
*Thought about Jim Morrison writhing around like some beautiful snake man [Explan: The very idea of Jim Morrison slithering around or Val Kilmer playing Jim Morrison slithering around is enought to keep me going for months.]
*Watched strange man wearing orange t-shirt sitting on Sammy's front porch. Wondered who he was, but then remembered I never pay attention when I get introduced so I'll never figure it out. [Explan: There are always strange people wandering around my yard and my neighbors cause we have a combined driveway.]
*Realize that Ronny with the red shoes is also out there and seems to be quite irrate about something. [Explan: Ronny is a friend of my neighbors. He usually rides a bike because he doesn't have a car and he wears red tennis shoes. He often times shows up either angry or with someone else's car to wash it in the driveway.]
*Looked up WOOSH on Google Image Search
*Looked up WHOOSH on Google Image Search
*Decided Linda Perry is the coolest lesbian ever. I love her. [Explan: Like Linda Perry and was listening to her album 'In Flight'.]
*Sent BEG a 'Daily Goon' e-mail to start the collection of daily goons I just decided she's having and even though I know she is nowhere near her e-mail and won't be for two more days. [Explan: This was a whim that would have been genius and continued on for a bit, but then I ran out of pictures of random goons. BEG's collection is complete now.]
*Looked out the window to see there are cars everywhere. Is there a party? [Explan: There was no party per say. I mean there's always some kind of party activity going on in this neighborhood. This was just a street parking catastrophe.]
*Notice that it says STRAIGHT on my stereo receivers display. Are there GAY stereo receivers?
*Start watching Quills and decide I can really get behind a man who so passionate he uses his own blood just to write down his words.
*Realize my Fashion Bug clogs are making my feet all sweaty and gross. They will stink soon.
*That kitten is really noisy. [Explan: I hada stray kitten I rescued living in my very empty upstairs, running around above my living room and she was really loud all the time.]
*Considered the future possiblity of Lindsay Lohan marrying Hilary Duff just to get one up on The Olsen Twins and for the bling. [Explan: Doesn't matter. I hate the whole lot of 'em!]
*Wondered if my friends would still be my friends if I were a nudist. Decided they probably wouldn't and that it would be too much to ask of them.
*Decide not to become a nudist.
*Mina is here, sniffing my foot. I think she's imbred. [Explan: Mina is my midget, female cat. She is naughty and generally insane.]
*Ate some mini double chocolate chunk cookies from Kwik Trip.
*Realize no matter how girly I am, I will never want to be 'Jenny From the Block'. [Explan: Was watching the J. Lo video and got inspired to get all girly, but realized I didn't have any real need to be anything like J. Lo]
*Mina just hissed at me. Whatta bitch! [Explan: Mina is also not very friendly.]
*Really wish Dave was here. [Explan: Dave is my hubby and I having a streak of loneliness. It doesn't happen very often.]
*Consider the possibility of my being a sex addict. Decide I am perfectly normal and that it has been two weeks.
*I like Kate Winslet as an asylum washerwoman temptress. She's kind of chunky, but still tempting in that old school way.
*Have 'Hey Joe' stuck in my head all of a sudden and it will never go away. Stop mocking me, Jimi Hendrix!
*My legs are really long.
*Re-read list and realize I have no attention span at all.
*Fondle pen so long without writing anything and suddenly get the urge to start drawing on myself. Resist temptation. [Explan: I am insane.]
*Wish I was frighteningly quick. [Explan: I don't even know.]

Sept 6, 2005

*Think about Bono and how he is the only singer ever who is able to sing about 'Playing Jesus to the Lepers in Your head' and survived it. I assume there are others who have tried.
*Yell at Jezebelle to be quiet. [Explan: Jezebelle is my yappy dog that never shuts up.]
*Get up to inspect voices making Jezebelle bark and find that it is just Zack and Riley trying to move a wheel barrow and shovels. College drop-outs are really noisy and irritating. [Explan: These are college drop-out boys who live across the street. They are strange and loud and often have sex with girls who look like plastic right in front of their living room windows. I do not even try to understand these boys anymore. Riley has a blonde afro and looks like Timberlake.]
*Yell at Jezbelle to be quiet again.
*Fight urge to use pen to draw on self. Someday I will lose this battle.
*Think about this afternoon's Buffy re-run and Owen's Owenocity.
*Think about that kid who played Owen Salinger on Party of Five and how he seems to have not changed at all. Is he a vampire?
*Start thinking about Buffy again.
*Damn you Joss Whedon!
*Listen to Train's 'Drops of Jupiter'. It's excellent. [Explan: This is one of my favorite songs ever.]
*Get up to check on college drop-outs w/ wheel barrow. They are still being noisy.
*Think about how Joe said I was caged.
*Read previous BURP on the list and start thinking about Burple from the 80's. Remember that shit?
*Think about a quiet, lazy life with the Rastafarians in Jamaca. [Explan: This is my plan for later in life.]
*Oh, what I wouldn't do to Patrick Monohan from Train. [Explan: I like the rockers and I like Pat even with the scars.]

Sept 7, 2005
(This is not a list of thoughts but still what I wrote down on the 7th)

He comes in through the back door, quiet as a mouse. He's trying to sneak up on me but I already know he's there. I pretend though. I play his little game. I make believe. I don't really know why. It's just more fun this way. I keep my eyes on my work. I look like I'm lost in it, unaware that he's come into the house and is headed towards me now. I don't want to seem to eager. I don't want it to seem like I want him the way I do. I want him to think he's the last thing on my mind. I don't want him to know I've been thinking about this exact moment the entire day. I don't look but I know there's a devlish, little grin on his face. It's there for me. It's there because of me. And when I finally see it, I know he's been thinking about me too. Sometimes he does it when were out. He does it to let me know I'm on his mind even when he can't say it. I can feel him behind my chair now. He leans in and gently moves my long hair off to one side. His fingertips hit my skin and the tingling starts. I keep pretending he's not there, but then he leans in and bites my neck lightly. He's found the spot. I give in now. I have lost the game and there's no use in keeping up my charade anymore.

Sept 10, 2005

*Michelle Rodriguez should have played Lara Croft in Tomb Raider instead of Angelina Jolie cause she's latino and fiery hot.
*The blouseman ruins everything, but he's damn fine. [Explan: I was watching 'A Walk on the Moon' starring Vigo Mortensen as The Blouseman.]
*Woman on DIY says, "We have this really sexy glaucoma," and it really makes me laugh until I realize she's talking about a plant.
*Decide that Dina Fishbein and her pitcher painting were better. [Dina is the host of her own show on DIY and before the show with the plant lady, I had been watching her paint a metal pitcher for a decorative vase.]
*Try to think of story ideas involving sin-eaters. Decide the sin-eater should be a young woman.
*Asked Mina if she wanted to shop for cars online and decided she wasn't interested when she ran into the kitchen. She better not be in those mashed potatoes. [Explan: Mina loves mashed potatoes. There was a pan of them on the stove, leftovers from lunch and earlier, she had gotten into it, her feet were covered in them.]
*Woman on DIY is insane.
*Mina is back. She's lucky she's not covered in mashed potatoes.
*MANGO or PAPYA? [Explan: Self debate. I came out on the side of Mango.]
*Make DUH sounds at woman on DIY who is making a gigantic hanging garden.
*A lot of plant names sound like sexually transmitted diseases.
*Realize I cannot write with my left hand anymore after testing this. It comes out all big.
*Yell, "Bitch, you're makin' me crazy!" at woman on DIY.
*Decide I don't want to know anything about gas fireplaces or fireplaces in general.
*Tried to explain to Boo how terribly unreliable I am right now. I don't really think he knows what I'm talking about. [Explan: Boo is my 46 pound Maine Coon cat. He was hungry and wanted his dinner so he was squacking at me. I was too lazy to get up from the couch.]
*"What You Talkin' 'Bout Willis?" stuck in my head for ten minutes.
*Why is the movie 'The Birdcage' always on?
*Turn on Katrina coverage on CNN.
*The Star Spangled Banner is a dumb song.
*South is still fucked.
*Decide to watch 'Dream for an Insomniac' just so I can hear about Juice stealing Ally's lunchbox in the 3rd grade.
*I hate children. They're so noisy.
*Hear 'Novacaine for the Soul'. Miss The Eels.
*Decide if Jesus gets a lawyer we're all fucked.
*Freak out about Ava Longoria. She's everywhere.
*Said to Mina, "I'm turning on that light and you can't stop me!" She looked up and then went back to licking the mashed potatoes off her toes.
*Afterall, when you shake a baby, change doesn't come out of it's pockets.

Sept 15, 2005

*Decide to watch 'Too Young to be a Dad' on LMN. Go teen pregnancy!
*Think River should deadpan, "I have ants in my pants." [Explan: Was thinking about my Firefly fanic.]
*Briefly consider getting Art Alexakis tattooed on my back. He's so dreamy. Decide this might make Dave jealous.
*Reconsider when I think it could get me a visit with Art. Once again I decide against this because he would probably just tell me my kitchen isn't big enough.
*Decide I will encourage people I don't like to join the army.
*Is it wrong that when I see the commercial for 'The widown on the Hill'/'Lies My Mother Told Me' double feature DVD, I said, "Awesome!" really enthusiastically?
*Wonder how Joan Chen got to be so famous. Has she ever been in anything for longer than 15 minutes?
*Francesca's dad just found her suspisciouly vomitting...oh, daddy's little girl is knocked up.
*Admire my black and grey argyle socks...I like argyle feets.
*Squeek! Squeek! Squeek! Wonder what that is...
*Carnival Cruises has their washcloths and towels arranged to look like cute, stuffy pigs with sunglasses. They have too much time on their hands.

Oct 2, 2005

*Ryan wants to invent some pill form wonder vaccination for everything. I vote we leave this to the good people at Campbelle's ala Campbelle's VD Vaccination Soup to cure all sexual ailments and Campbelle's Cancer Curin' Country Style Gravy to cure small cancers, like cancer of the ear.
*How to be Nefarious, a Figuratively Factual Course of Observations.
*Oded Fehr is totally hot! [Explan: Was watching 'Resident Evil: Apocalypse' at the time...'nuff said.]
*Need to make a t-shirt ala Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie) that says THAT'S SO LUSH.
*Everything is awesome! I have reached true enlightenment.
*Thandie Newton hass a face like a gummy bear.
*Angus even got bitches when we moved to the ghetto and today he got two new bitches. Where are my bitches?

Oct 6, 2005

*My mother is such a buzz kill.
*Snarled at D&D Roofing crew for taking a break/having a work stoppage to stare at me when I took Jezebelle outside to pee. [Explan: These men stopped working to stare at me everytime I would go outisde. C'mon, I'm not that attractive.]
*Turned up stereo real loud and danced around the living room with Jezebelle 'cause she's the dancin' queen.
*Hear a shitload of noise from my own roofers and go to inspect their possibly destructive behavior, looking out the window to see three men with wide smiles on their faces standing in a row waving hi at me as though nothing had happened.
*Man on TVs foot looks like a penis. Strange.
*Think about getting macked on by the largge, black man at the pharmacy. Still trying to figure out how desperate you have to be to try to get the hook-up at a place generally for sick people. I could have been contagious or dying.
*Look out window and see Abraham. Vote for Pedro! [Explan: My head roofer-man looked like Pedro from 'Napolean Dynomite' and it was during a time when HBO kept playing that movie every ten seconds.]
*Answer telephone "Pedro for class president! Vote for Pedro!" Decide to not do this anymore since it may be offensive to my roofers. I will secretly continue to think it though.
*Decide me and BEG should be dueling Donatella's for Halloween because it would be friggin' hilarious, darling!
*Try to perfect my Donatella Versace impression and realize this hurts my face and the we should have started tanning and bleaching months ago.
*Talk ridiculously to Walter. He doesn't care. Seems to be more interested in licking his own neck. [Explan: Walter is the third cat. He's a pure white Turkish Angora with green eyes and is all about the cleanliness. He is also bulimic apparently.]
*It's totally freezing in here. My nipples have not been this hard for this long since New Rock Fest '97.
*Mmm. Ryan Reynolds.
*Every time there is a noise, Angus looks at me like it's my fault. It's a very You Bitch look. [Explan: Angus is the dog that isn't Jezebelle. He's stupid and lazy Golden Retriever who likes to sleep, which the roofers were disturbing with their noise.]
*Where the fuck is BEG? [Explan: I couldn't get a hold of her on the phone.]
*Brr. I'm fucking cold!
*Fight the urge to draw on myself with pen, but it's 6:03 om. I could be naked and completely covered in doodles by the time Dave gets home from work. I could be a walking contradiction.
*I think my eyes are frozen open. Clark, Audrey's eyes are frozen...
*Decide there should be a spoof decorating show dealing with redecorating places from the bible, i.e. Noah's ark. Possible name: 'Bob Vila's This Old Ark'
*Realize I've never seen a real life manger. Where have all the mangers gone?
*Put fleece bathrobe on. Should be toasty soon.
*Boo's so fat. [Explan: As stated earlier, Boo is a cat and he weighs 46 pounds.]
*Wonder what this country's obsession is with smoothies. Does everything have to be liquified and drinkable?

Oct 18, 2005

*New reality TV show that will interest men. For a large winning prize, 6 or 8 hot legal-aged girls with compete to see who can hitchhike from Bangor Maine to Los Angeles California in the shortest amount of time and we get to watch what they will do to get it done.

*I think Cecelia from the Simon & Garfunkel song is a hooker.

Oct 31, 2005
(This page did actually have a doodle of Queen Elizabeth singing the Tom Jones song 'She's a Lady'.)

*All Sarah Michelle Gellar has going for her is that she dies well on camera. Maybe I really only ever liked Buffy because I like to watch her die and not because it was a good show.
*Severed heads with butterfly wings.
*Yummy in your tummy for your eyes.

Nov 5, 2005
(This is something I yelled at my Mexican neighbors when they woke me up around 9 am with their tejano music a blarin'. It was some twisted 'The Tide is High' with tejano music, which prompted me to crawl out of my warm bed yelling what's below, bustin' out The Best of Blondie CD and cranking my stereo.)

*If we're gonna listen to Blondie, we're gonna listen to Blondie and if the tide is high it's gonna be in English!


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