Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Low Self-Esteem

I'm gonna ramble now...and I know what I'm about to ramble about is gonna piss off one of my friends (Actually it will probably piss off a few of them, but for different reasons), but she'll just have to endure and let me have my moment of whining, since I generally have an overwhelmingly high opinion of myself and it doesn't falter very often. So, here it is...

I spent my summer strutting around in two-piece bathing suits and short shorts. Keep in mind, I do yoga a least four times a week and a dance workout two of the three remaining days. I restore faith in the bikini and there's a flock of men, that literally spent all summer camped out in my neighbor's backyard just to watch me under the guise of a severe need to grill meat. I literally own more skimpy clothing now than is healthy for someone who loves attention (Yes, I am center of attention girl). This summer I very much dove into the world of the less clothing the better, but then again, I also do not have air conditioning in my house so it wasn't really like I was seeking attention (Trying not to melt was more like it). Even so, I was oggled by many and flirted with most.

Today, I wake up to a dark sky (It's like 1:30pm now and it looks more like the middle of the night), rain and a drastic drop in temperature (It's like 40 degrees today and up until today, it was still in the 60's). It's the sort of day that could make anyone want to jump off a bridge, and here I am suddenly finding myself very low on this very dark day.

This surprising streak of low self-esteem could've been brought on by the dark fall which just miraculously appeared as if out of nowhere pretty much putting the kabosh on all outdoor activity, or it could be because I've recently been ill (I actually ran this house out of Kleenex and that's not something that happens often), or the fact that my hubby just accepted a really good job this morning which will have him away (really away) from home Monday thru Friday and sometimes all weekend and I now have to live with the fact that the one person who is legally required to adore me isn't going to be around to do so which is not to say that there aren't others who adore me (I have many fans).

I just feel crappy and not so 'me' right now. And that just makes me feel worse. There's nothing worse than feeling unlike yourself.

I'm all layered in clothing and although, I am warm, it is making me feel fat and useless. The dark is making me tired. Hubby's new job is making my head hurt. And there's no one around to flirt with or to adore me thanks to the cold rain.

This sucks!


Blogger Black Eyed Gurl said...

I'll always adore you mon-cherie!

2:43 PM  

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