Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The Mother of all Strangeness...

Picture credited to BBC News

My mother works for the health department. She also works at the STD clinics and what-not. This is all fine and good, but my mother is slightly off her rocker and has been for as long as I can remember. Since I was about 15, she's been passing out condoms to me and my friends and basically preaching statistics on accidental pregnancy and spreading the word about getting STD tests and such.

It was a little embarassing when I was younger. My friends would come into the house and she would give them the suspicious, brown-paper lunchbag of condoms and discuss their troubles. I am an adult now though, an adult with a latex allergy and I have learned to live with her crazy, open ways. Plus, my friends always appreciated that she was this cool about their having sex especially when their parents would have killed them.

My mother has also made friends with a pack of cross-dressing men (most of which are gay, not that I have a problem with this) and a nutty, lesbian, vegitarian clothing designer. So she's gotten even more open when talking about sex and the like...if that's even believable. These men hang out at a bar a couple blocks away from my house and she is always trying to get me to go with her to drag shows there. I always suggest that she take Nazi-Grandma, but because Grams is who she is, this never pans out.

Anyway, recently (in October), my mother had to have a complete hysterectomy due to a very large (baby-sized) tumor growing between the muscle layers in her uterus (this was an on-going ordeal for over a year and a half and included one other previous operation to try to shrink and kill said gigantic tumor). She was off of work for quite a long time, and as the busy-body she is (this is where I get it from) was quite unhappy in her recovery. But now she has returned to her post, her drag-queens (one of which she works with) and resumed her safe-sex insanity train.

So, a few days ago, she sends me this picture via e-mail...

She thought it was entertaining to see that someone was being creative...which of course, the dress is a very creative use of condoms...but for me...it just brought up all these questions like...

  1. Why would one need a dress made of condoms, out of the package no less?
  2. Assuming and hoping that these are not lubricated, where the hell did they find this many condoms not slathered with spermacide?
  3. With all the latex allergies these days (myself included) who the hell can even wear said dress?
  4. Is someone planning on wearing said dress?
  5. If so, where is said wearer going wearing a dress made of out of the package unlubricated (hopefully) condoms?
  6. With as faulty as condoms tend to be under normal circumstances, how long is said wearer expecting this dress will stay in one peice?
  7. How are they dealing with the fact that latex is really smelly and sweaty?
  8. Does said dress have lining?

KP once gave me a bouquet of condom roses that she and A1 made themselves. They were still and their packages though and the bouquet was actually really pretty. But that was mostly a gag thing...I think. Latex allergy aside, I could never imagine wearing this dress for any duration of time and actually being comfortable. Let's hope it's just creative and arty and that no one will actually be putting the scary thing on.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?


Blogger Ms_S1n1n said...

I can see as a teen being embarrassed a bit by your moms' directness regarding sex...

But my mother was the opposite. Sex didn't exist was the vibe. Cheap and nasty girls did those things.

Trying a middle of the road approach with my daughters. It's like a science experiment deciding how to handle these things I swear.

That dress would look great if it were shorter and coupled with rainbow knee socks! I <3 knee socks!

Also, finally got some yoga dvd and looooooved it!

12:43 AM  
Blogger Tired Tunia said...

Oh my god. I was just surfing Blog Explosion and thought that maybe my brother had a blog (up until you talk about your mother and the drag queens)! Your mom sounds like my mom! My mom also worked for an STD clinic when I was a teenager, she was a nurse. In the corner of the kitchen we had a catch-all basket full of pens, pads of paper and...condoms. She also was always handing out those little lunch sacks with condoms in them to my brother and all his friends. My brother was actually out on a group date once, and he had my mother's car. He needed something from the trunk, and when he opened it up, there were boxes full of condoms in it. He had quite the time explaining that to his date I guess!

10:59 PM  
Blogger IvoryValentine said...

Ms - I love knee socks too. Last week I actually wandered around for an entire day, without my knowledge of course, with a 'Knee Sock' sticker stuck to the back of my shirt...this is how many pairs of knee socks I have. So many that the stickers are abundant and have attached to other clothing! Yeah, the actual dress is pretty great, but still...who's wearing it? So glad you loved the yoga! Keep doing it. Your energy levels will fly through the roof reminiscent of Super Girl!

TT - It's good to know I wasn't the only one. We also had the catch-basket...of course there were also condoms in the cookie jar (cow) on top of the fridge! Thanks for stopping by!

11:03 AM  

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