Christmas Wrap & The Idiots Around Me...

So, there was Christmas. It came up quick. Was over quick. And now feels like it was never here at all...with the exception of the fact that if I look off to my left I can see my Christmas tree which still has presents under it.

I'm glad to report that hubby is still alive and there hasn't been the need for amputations. He still has about four days to go on rabies watch, but I'm thinking it's very unlikely the cat had rabies. The bite has mostly healed, thanks to the healing powers of Neosporin and my paranoia running amok.

Hubby's healing feral cat bite.

Last Saturday, we went out of the house to buy each other Christmas presents. This did not go well, seeing as how we left together, in the same truck and went to all the same places together. We went everywhere and came up with mostly nothing, with the exception of the fact that at a used video game store at the mall, I got BEG the first three seasons of "Newlyweds - Nick & Jessica" and got to chat with an adorable gay boy behind the counter of said store about Nick Lachey's utter dreaminess and how said boy would like to meet a boy named Ashely or Courtney. I actually know two boys named Courtney...one of which is gay and decided to enlighten store boy with this knowledge. He seemed quite interested.

Needless to say, hubby bought me a yoga mat (this is mostly due to the rugburn I got and have been complaining about for a couple weeks when I lost my balance while yoga-ing ang biffed up my elbow on the living room area rug) and he got a power inverter for his truck. Woo-hoo! What an exchange! We also got lunch at Chipolte.

Shortleash, still pissed about the noisy expensive toys I got Little Miss Maddy for Christmas, brought over his key. Apparently I was elected to be back-up to Fatass & Eyeball in watching his house and pets for a week. He claimed Fatass was suppposed to show up on Sunday. I remembered when the circus-freak babies were born in August and Fatass was supposed to be entrusted with Little Miss Maddy and everything else and showed up way late so I really wasn't holding my breath on his prompt arrival.

Hubby and I watched 'Serenity'. It seemed like a good thing to do on Christmas Eve and then we crashed.

Sunday was obviously Christmas. We were supposed to be at my mother's house by 1pm. She lives an hour away, I didn't get up until quarter to ten...needless to say, we weren't gonna make it in time.

Anyway, I was going to dress up, like with a skirt and all, but I decided to forgo that for jeans and stuff. I found that my wonderful cat Walter had yakked on the jeans I wanted to wear. This pissed me off especially since I damned near froze my ass off looking for another pair that would fit properly enough with the new weight-loss so my mother and everyone else would keep their mouths shut.

On the way to my mother's, which is a long trip, hubby and I were talking about how Fatass still hadn't arrived to tend to the Shortleash house and pets. Hubby then commented out of nowhere, that he thinks Shortleash has a crush on me. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? It's not like it would be within my control. Anway, his reasoning for this is that when Shortleash comes over, he is always sweet to me and barely ever says anything to him.

First off, hubby is not a talker. He's not a social butterfly. He doesn't say anything really and gets the same in return.

Second, if the SWEET thing is going to be on the list of reasons he thinks Shortleash has a crush on me, he might as well add the rest of the damned men in the neighborhood to the list. They're all sweet to me. I am a great cook and I feed them constantly (cooking for an army was a trait I inherited from my mother) and I also bake a lot of cookies. As far as they're concerned I might as well be the best thing to ever happen to Park Ave...and I'm pretty sure all their wives and significant others are well aware of it at this point. I'm like the control group they all get compared to.

Anyway, we finally got to my mother's at about quarter to two. Everyone else was already there.

I apparently didn't do such a great job with hiding my new anorexic Nicole Richie look since I got lectured by both female aunts, both grandmothers (the paternal one wasn't even supposed to be there) and my mother. Then my mother sees the sweater I was wearing, which is one of my favorites and says, "I almost bought you a sweater like that!" To which I replied, "You bought this one." She's such a scatter-brain sometimes...or is it that she's bought me about fifty thousand sweaters in my lifetime?

My dumb fat aunt knitted me the coolest scarf. She knitted them for all the ladies in the time that could have been better used to clean her house and tend to her bratty red-headed children, but mine is the best. All the other ladies got winter scarves to like wear with their coats and mittens and such. Mine is more decorative. Anyway, it's cool and I wore it all day to which hubby so assholishly remarked, "Wow, someone gave you something that you actually like!" I wanted to smack him, but since it was Christmas, I didn't.

Also, my gay uncle, newly a total bastard called me stuck-up. I wanted to smack him too since he is the last person on the planet who should be calling anyone stuck-up. It was sort of a pot calling the kettle black situation especially since he and I are the most alike (Except he's more girly and drama-queen). We even look alike and as a kid, without a father, I spent a lot of time with him as my male influence (no wonder I'm so fucked up - I have a very vivid memory of his also gay old roomate, yeah the one who testified in the Dahmer trial, busting into the loft at 3 in the morning with me asleep on the pull-out bed, waking me up at age nine and asking me if I wanted to go to the I.H.O.P.) and everyone thought I was his kid. Anyway, I didn't hit him either seeing as how I was under the delusion that the holiday was better spent without blood-shed, police and trips to the ER!

After everyone left, hubby got roped into playing video games with my younger bother and I helped my mother clean up. Then we loaded up some more of my left-behind when we moved crap and got the hell out of there. We got home to find that Fatass & Eyeball still had yet to show up and free the Shortleash dogs, so hubby went to take care of them and check on things.

Hubby still had off work on Monday. I intended to do some more primer work in my living room but ran out of painter's tape. Also, when moving the 1 floor lamp in my living room I realized the lamp shades on it were busted...probably because the thing has been moved twenty-seven million times in the last year. Plus Fatass & Eyeball still hadn't shown up.

We went out and got some more painter's tape, knee-socks I didn't already have and some for BEG. Also bought some more candles. We got lamp shades that I actually liked (hadn't been too crazy about the old ones, even before they were broken).

We got back home. I tried out the lamp shades. They didn't fit. Off by just a little. I was pissed and had a momentary temper-tantrum. Then I intended to get back to primering my living room walls. I got a sliver I couldn't get out and still haven't gotten out so I have god knows what living in my hand (all I do know is that is came from behind the radiator and it hurt like a bitch). I attempted to run it under cold water so I could just gauge it out but alas, when I turned it on, no water came out. This sent hubby on a rage path since he had just replaced all the parts in the damned thing the previous weekend (it's now Thursday of course and there's still no water in the kitchen).

Fatass & Eyeball finally showed up about 3:30 pm. I declared my back-up-ness over and done, seeing as how Shortleash's house tend to invoke my choking and nausea. It's very untidy and when I ever go over there, it's for about ten minutes and then I flee for the comfort of my own home and clean air. Let's just say that Shortleash and Co are in for a really big, scary lecture about how appalled I am others are by the way they keep their house.

Also, never by Duck brand blue painter's masking tape. It's shitty and doesn't stick to anything...not even itself!

Tuesday, I went out with the intention of returning the non-fitting lampshades and getting other ones. I left the house without them though and then ended up at a different store where I spent the better part of three hours looking at just about everything and buying stuff I really didn't intend to buy.

We're having both a New Year's Eve Party (with friends) and a New Year's Day party (with friends and family) so I got some stuff for that. I also seemed to have invited adorable Open Pantry guy to the first of the party's...this was more for BEG's benefit since she likes the tall ones and because I was very close to losing my mind by the time I stumbled into the gas station for cigarettes.

Yesterday, I think I also invited my UPS guy. BEG has decided that if they show up and people ask who they are, we'll just tell them that they are the service men in my life. And also if they need anything heavy moved or need gas and cigarettes, we'll point people in their direction.

Last night, after having spent all day primering another portion of my living room, I took up residence on the couch with some cappuchino and wrote resumed working on my Firefly Fanfic, which has been very ignored lately. Of course I also, did 2 'Dammit, Dick!' cartoons for 'The Deux' and decided that one of these days I really should get back to working on the TV show BEG and I have been working on for about a year now. It's also been ignored.

My living room, which techinically used to be three separate rooms and was not turned into one by us, now looks strange to me with the most of the paneling primered. I'm so used to it being dark paneling. I wonder what it will look like when there's actually color on the walls, since hubby is now reformed to the 'color' plan after seeing it stark white! I win!

So, that was the first of the holidays. Nothing too special. So, I direct you to http://pluralofapocalypsedeux.blogspot.com/ for the latest installment of 'Dammit Dick'. The third, a bonus installment will be posted there tomorrow sometime!

Also, I've apparently been 'tagged' or some shit...so stay tuned for my figuring that one out...