Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Jewish Research Mission Part 2...

So, here I was sitting at my PC as usual and returning to my research on Jewish products and things, mostly for the benefit of KinkyPoe now, since she is the leg of 'The Tripod' semi-involved with a Jew. Plus, there's still mockery potential and actually a lot to learn about our Hebrew friends.

Newest Jewish Toy...

It's the 'Just Jew It' frisbee costing $9.99 from I don't know that I am impressed with the Jewish frisbee. It's lame and it seems like they're just reaching now. Also, it's like a thing you get/win at a company picnic (There's no way in hell a frisbee costs $10).

I wonder if the Jews have picnics. I look into this new wonder and find that yes, the Jews do have picnics!

The jews on this bus are headed for a 'picnic'. They're all so happy and stuff. How do they know they're really going to a picnic and not a concentration camp. If I were Jewish, I would be leery of a mass assemblage of my people on a form of mass transit. And I certainly wouldn't be all cheery while doing such!

Anyway, KP, yes, the Matza Balls do have to dance! This makes the Matza Ball special, makes him stand out, makes him a favorite. I also found that 'The Dancing Matza Ball' is the only Matza representation in the entire Jewish toy world. Apparently the Matza Ball is not quite as important to the Jews as I/we had previously been led to believe. This notion led me to steer my research in a more Jewish Food related area.

I searched 'Matza Ball', and basically, 'The Dancing Matza Ball' was the third search result. Other than this there wasn't anything special, so I changed my search to just 'Matza'.

Searching this led to my findings that Gorillas apparently enjoy Matza, seemingly even more than Jews. How can this be? Are gorilla's, like dogs, possibly Jewish as well? Where's the book on this little chunk of the animal kingdom?

I did find pictures of gorillas eating matza, but the site refused to play nicely. So, enjoy this picture of this really cute kitten instead...

I have no idea what the kittens religious orientations are, but it did come up while searching 'Matza'. And then I found other, different pictures of gorillas eating matza and enjoying it...

I gave up on 'Matza' and decided to switch to searching for 'Gefelta Fish'. Then Google so nicely let me know that it was spelled wrong and so I continued my search with 'Gifilte'. Once again, there wasn't anything overly interesting, so I changed my mind again and searched 'Jewish Food'. Everything was pretty standard, with the exception of...

Apparently, M&Ms and fortune cookies are Kosher. I never would have guessed. And unless you're Jewish, you wouldn't have either!

It was also sort of implied that the Jews also eat penguins and that Jewish cuisine invokes yakking and choking and that the Jews have geniusly invented a machine that you just point at food and it tells you if it's kosher or not as seen below...

In the meantime, BEG called and she declared that there was a goldmine to be had in Jew-friendly cheese. Do the Jews eat cheese? They must! Also BEG was declared my blog's honorary Jew.

After getting off the phone with BEG, the search was switched yet again, this time to 'Jewish Sport'. I quickly realized that The Holocaust has made this small phrase a bad idea. And oh yeah, to the guy who says it never happened and everyone else of the same delusional mind...there's photgraphic proof! This search was also nearly fruitless in finding what I was actually looking for, with the exception of Jewish Super Heroes...

(Credit for this goes to

And finally...

That's one kosher pussy! And this concludes any further need I have to research the Jewish. I'm on to a whole list of other things to google now! Although, there might be a post about the Hanaukuh Bush, but I haven't decided yet.

Also, I direct you to for the first installement of 'Dammit Dick', a stick-figure comic created by me and BEG.


Blogger Orikinla Osinachi. said...

"wonder if the Jews have picnics?"

I read the whole post.

What do you think Jews are?

Aliens or ETs?

Jews are actually the most wonderful people in the world if you are humble enough to dine and wine with them.

11:06 AM  
Blogger IvoryValentine said...

I'm not being mean or anything. I just have this habit of searching random things on Google and seeing what I come up with...most of which is pretty strange. The picnic thing was basically 'Do Jews assemble like companies?'. It was supposed to be funny. I guess I should have been a little clearer. In all technicality, I love the Jews. Theirs is the only religion I actually really respect. It has real reason and purpose as opposed to some other religions which shall remain un-named.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Kinky Poe said...

Ok, the kosher-O-Meter is a tad upsetting. It may even be more upsetting than the kosher pussy....Now Im wondering if I point the kosher-o-meter at my pussy will it pass? If it doesnt can Jewish men not eat me? Hmm, not a leap I intended on making but now Im worried I dont have kosher pussy. Luckily I dont think this matters to the Jew I have in mind.

I really love the dancing matzah ball. Is it too ironic to want it for christmas?

2:25 PM  
Blogger Black Eyed Gurl said...

Jews, like all people, are awesome, unless they aren't, and then they kinda suck.

I wonder if Mister or Mooque is Jewish, we all know The Schmutz (she is now known as THE schmutz, like The wal-mart or the target or the bomb)is a Kosher Kitty! I wish I had a cat with a yarmulke!

Gorilla's love Matza!!!

I'm Jew for a day! I used to have a lotta Jew in me occasionally, but then we broke up... hehe

4:16 PM  
Blogger Kinky Poe said...

Ok, if the above 3 comments don't summarize the tripod I don't know what does.

Also, a Jew present for IV:

10:52 PM  

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