Thursday, December 15, 2005

The Post of Right This Second!

The most honest thing you'll least right this second...

So, I just spent twenty minutes or so, trying to literally convince the damned dog that he will get sick and be all 'Wimper, Wimper, Wimper' puppy if he eats the poly fiberfil stuffing from the inside of the new stuffy dog toy that just arrived in my shipment from I look off to the back of the room, behind me, near to the fireplace, is Bella Bella doing the very same thing to its differently colored friend (One has red edge and one has blue). These were supposed to be well assembled toys made of heavy materials for rough playing dogs, like the kind who love to play tug-o-war, dogs like mine. However it seems in just under one hour, my dogs have managed to reduce these soft toys for rough dogs to nothing more than small piles of soggy with drool fluff and shreds of something that used to be canvas but not lookes more like colored tufts of cotton candy on my living room floor. Really, there isn't a sign in the room that these toys in their originality even existed. If I hadn't known, I never would have guessed.

They love chaos it seems. Something always has to be happening or they lapse into a coma and don't even hardly breath for three hours straight. I thought laying around, playing with a toy would make this happen. Alas, I was wrong again where dogs are concerned. I must be stupid, they think.

I do not understand, and they seem to just hate me for this. When I attempt to clean up the mess and scold them as though they will actually ever learn to follow my rules, both of them proceed to have a barking and growling match, a fight seemingly had over one of the larger chunks of one of their former toys. The peice is entirely black, so I can't tell which toy it came from. I for some reason think that if I know it came from the red toy, then I can buy a stock pile of them to chew apart in the future to keep them quiet for a while as though their chewing apart either the red or the blue and at which speed had anything to do with the order in which they were chewed apart. For some reason I think maybe the red toy may have tasted better.

I try to lay down the law and quiet them. This is not in my favor when it causes them bark at me as though they are spoiled teenagers fighting over the car and trying to convince me that each of them has a better reason for needing it in the first place. Although, I can't actually fathom Angus' reason for really needing to have the largest of the pieces of what used to be a star. Maybe he thinks he can successfully chew down even further. Maybe he thinks he can chew it into nothing.

And then I give up all together when this reminds me of the video game me and BEG invented the other night. It started because I said something to the effect of, "I wish Eminem would've fucked up Moby even if only for the sheer entertainment factor of it." This led to, "You know what would be hot and Eminem could totally do?", which was then answered with, "Fuck Brittany half." So then that became anther level of the game. There was also the decapitation of Carson Daly and something with Fred Durst I think. But now, without her permission, because she didn't answer her phone, I have decided it should just be the Nip/Tuck movie and after Eminem literally fucks Brittany Murphy in half, Christian will have his biggest feat ever in putting poor Brittany together again. Then he will wait for her to heal and fuck her himself, in only that way he can. And then of course they can't stay together because he's Christian and she's Brittany Murphy for the love of cheese! It would be like Hollywood's first reality movie, and then they can play big screen movies which people like better at home on the TV and they can even charge for them and they can send all this truly crappy reality television to the movie theaters where no one goes anymore.Seriously, there is no way in hell, I can ever take Tyra Banks seriously now that I've seen her over-acting on that fucking ridiculous 'Americas Next Top Model' bullshit show. I think I'm about to refer to Ms. Tyra as a FUCKTARD! Sorry, BEG. Had to temporarily borrow it again. I have been watching this wacky shit every day since like Monday on VH1 because it seems to keep the dogs quiet, well, Angus at least.

And we've come pretty much full circle and the dogs are actually being quiet now. They're probably just destroying something else, like another throw pillow. They chewed a hole in one this morning before I figured out what was going on. Luckily, I made them myself and its easily replaceable.

Dammit! Flanders just said Twinkie on 'The Simpons'. Now I want a Twinkie and since I don't really like them I don't have any in my house. They freak me out, but omigod if I don't want one right now.


Blogger Black Eyed Gurl said...

You have been discovered, on Blogsplosion! Looks like that obsessive compulsive surfing is paying off!! ;)

11:58 PM  

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