Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Fucking Baby Jesus!

First, I should start by saying, I love Wal-mart and their inability to package things properly! The other day when I was there, I bought some socks (festive holiday socks). One pair was red and green striped and the other is red and white striped. Festive socks! I thought, seeing as how they didn't say otherwise that they were like standard size, trouser socks. There was a pair with the cardboard pulled off and that was what they were, although they were not identical to either pair I bought. Anyway, Monday, I planned to wear the green and red ones...pulled off the cardboard to find that they were in all actuality knee-socks. Arrrgh! I worked around this, threw on a skirt and went on about my day [See pics below]. Today, I pulled the cardboard off the red and white pair, fully expecting now for them to be knee socks as well, which they are, but only when I unfolded them did I find the sticker on them with Santa's chubby face saying 'Knee Socks'. Did Houdini package these socks? Has Wal-mart added prankster to their laundry list of bad habits? The world may never know.

Festive me, with pigtails and my also purchased at Wal-mart Santa's Little Vixen t-shirt and then the bottom portion of the outfit with my new, festive holiday knee-socks! Ain't I cute?

Anyway, moving right along. Little Miss Maddy was supposed to be the easiest one to shop for since she's into whatever I give her. She loves me and is mostly like my kid, except of course for the fact that I can send her home when she gets aggravating (this is usually after we've had a few of our growling matches - see how unqualified I am to be a parent?). I had made a list of options, most of which were Polly Pocket related. I was sure it would be smooth sailing. Alas, I finally talked to her mother last night and she dashed all my hopes of ease by telling me Maddy already had everything on my options list. Damn it!

Miss Maddy wants a surfboard for Christmas. Does she know it's winter? And that we live in Wisconsin? Of course, she is also the same little girl who got a kickboard in October and was so excited she had to use it in the bath-tub. I'd get her a surfboard even if only to save what sanity I have left, but I have bad images of her filling their garage with water or something like that to use it. Maddy is gonna grow up and be just like me and BEG!

Anyway, this sent me rushing back to Amazon searching for other stuff. I basically did a great gifts for girls ages 5-7, and since Amazon is running out of stuff and it's crunch-time, I ended up with the great gifts they had left which inlcluded something called, 'Chicken Limbo' which I declared to BEG we need for our New Year's Eve festivities and this little gem...

It's the Little People Chaunakuh Party Playset, costing $24.99 plus shipping. I damned near clicked on the 'Add to Cart' the second I saw the picture. And then...well, if you can't laugh and don't like holocaust humor...I'd seriously suggest you stop reading right now...

I declared that if one possessed this set, which comes with 6 little people Jews, one could have their own Little People Haulocaust. BEG suggested the little Jewish baby may fit in the oven if properly trayed. We are bad, bad girls. Please forgive us. We were very upset there was no Little People Kwanza Party playset, which I have my suspicions doesn't exist because it's not a religious holiday, not that Christmas is really a religious holiday anymore anyway.

Moving on again...There was also this creepifying baby doll...

It's called something like Tummy Tickles. If this doll moves as fast as this picture suggests, this baby doll may fly away...and no one needs a little mongoloid looking baby doll flying around the house during the holiday wrap-up. I say mongoloid because this little bugger have a moving face as well and they also have a picture of it in various stages on Amazon. It goes from normal as in the pic above to mongoloid looking and then it's eyes finally close. I am actually considering buying this for Miss Maddy, even if it's only so Me and BEG can mock it till it dies.

There was also some notion to get Little Maddy the Junior Hoover Upright Vaccuum...but once again, this would be more for the evil and ability to mock because Maddy's mommy is a terrible housekeeper. I figured if we got a vaccuum into Maddy's hands early enough, she would possibly not suffer from the same affliction her mother has in the tidy department. Hubby told me it was too mean seeing as how, we, including Shortleash, Miss Maddy's daddy would understand why I bought it and her mommy would never get the joke! I'm such an wicked bitch.

And then there was the absolute pinnable of my internet shopping wierdness...not to mention Amazon's well-recognized insanity...

You know how at the bottom of the item listing on Amazon they try to give you a deal, or most of the time it's not really a deal but it's usually two things that are related and they're all like, buy them together for this price? Well, Amazon suggested that I should by Tummy Tickles and...here it is...TWISTER together! What the hell for? I can't imagine what sick mind needs these two items together! When I saw this, hubby was on the phone talking to one of his friends in AZ and I literally just cracked up lauging. I laughed so hard I was crying and freaking out and really he had no idea what was wrong with me. I had to point to the screen because I couldn't come up with any words to explain.

So, once again I am at a loss and scouring the internet for Christmas Gifts for a five year old girl. Lets just say the Bratz, even with all their vast whore-dom are looking better and better every time I open Amazon!

2 Comments:

Blogger Bleebo said...

Sweet blog page. I bookmarked it for a return visit.

If you want a really good laugh, read: www.horacefinkle.blogspot.com. People these days, just don't get to laugh enough.

11:07 AM  
Blogger Black Eyed Gurl said...

I updated Deux, so quitcherbitchin!

10:08 PM  

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