The Most Unconvincing Contest Ever...

So, I was sitting here on the phone with BEG, at my desk with a brand new bag of Cheetos Puffs. I was getting ready to open it up, but since it's rude to chew on the phone and generally makes talking and understanding difficult I waited...reading the stuff on the bag. I do this a lot. No shocker.

This is what the front of the bag looks like...

I notice they're having a contest of some sort, so I read the pretend 'Cheesy Tribune' Chester is holding on the front of the bag. This is what it says...

Cheetos Recipe Stolen??? I'm confused.

If the recipe was stolen, how did they make the Cheetos currently in the bag. Pretty hard to make something without a recipe and if it isn't, why are they looking for the recipe? Why is it important enough to have an entire contest about if they can already make them and don't really need to recover it?

Let's say the recipe, which BEG tells me practically doesn't even exist (she saw a show on TV about how they make the puff Cheetos...she's such a food network junkie), is missing, are the Cheetos in my bag right now, Cheetos that have been laying about at the Cheetos factory for a while, from before the recipe was stolen? I don't want old, Cheetos. They could have bugs or something.

Who the hell would even want to steal the Cheetos recipe? Does Chester now have some arch-nemesis out there, stealing recipes and trying to build his or her own bigger and more bad-ass cheesy poof empire? I shudder to think. Was it some covert, ninja operation? Did they sneak in, by the light of the moon and frolic around the Cheetos plant searching for the already pretty much self explanatory recipe which had been kept in a locked glass case under the watchful, but sleepy eyes of Sam the security gauard, who I can imagine has now been let go because of his life-altering screw up?

It's Cheetos, people. Nothing about them is life-altering. They're just tasty.

This is the most unconvincing basis for a contest ever. Recipe stolen? Whatever. They could have at least come up with a better story. Hell, they could have come out and said terrorists have taken over the factory and we need to rescue Chester and the puffs supply. I could've gotten on board for that one.