Does That Chinese Man Even Play the Tuba?

And Not Getting Touched By The Hand of God...

Omigod! I am so sick and friggin' tired of commercials for car dealerships on the TV. I just saw one that was "Are you looking for a new car?" asked by voice-over while a montage of used cars is played only to have the commercial end with my finding out finally that this car dealership is literally so far away from where I live I couldn't even get a bus there (I assume this is the mode of transportation of people who don't already have cars out to dealerships to look at them) and then start the whole ad all over again. This gets better. This commercial also involves a Chinese guy holding a tuba and trying to sell used cars. Oh, and you can't understand a word he's saying! I am yet again having a session of angry letter writer with myself, and it would go a little somethin' like this...

Dear TV Ad Guys @ VH1,

I am writing mostly in regards to the commercial that is reapeatedly played involving a crazy, Chinese man trying to sell me cars from 250 miles away from my house. Have you seen this commercial yourselves? Disturbing to say the very least. Does he even play that tuba? He doesn't play it in the commercial. He just holds it. What the hell is it for? But this is not the only reason I write. I am sitting here in my living room trying to enjoy VH1's 'Storytellers: Bruce Springsteen'. Yes, I know this might make me lame, but I don't care. I enjoy his music and he is rather witty. Also, I like that he's so turning into Bob Dylan. I have thus far enjoyed the parts of the show I have actually gotten to see. But there's a big fat problem. Every ten seconds there's an ad on and you're askin' me if I'm shoppin' for a new car and I tell you no, I am trying to get all the springsteeny goodness I can right now. There are no cars in my living room and although the TV is large enough that the cars are very nearly life-sized, please remember I am inside watching The Boss by choice and not out shopping for a car! And when you play a commercial for a car dealership nowhere near to where I live, it irritates me even more! This literally is the fifth time I have tried to watch this entire show and every time this same thing happens. You start socking me with this wack-o-loon Asian and I end up changing the channel (By the way the way this also happens when I'm trying to watch 'DMC: My Adoption Journey' and I still have yet to see that show in it's entirety). Do you think The Boss is gonna sell some cars...used ones? I struggle to understand why you would do this. Playing the same commercial over and over and over again is not making me want to buy a used car. It really only makes me angrier and I'm not so pretty when I'm snarling! I love Springsteen. The man is beautiful but in a really rugged, dirty way. I'm a chick, on a Saturday afternoon. I am your target. Where are the Hagen Daaz People? Where are my promises for a great new season of 'The Surreal Life' in which Alexis Arquette is turning into a woman (sorry. I thought she already was)? Why aren't you trying to sell me the KT Tungstel CD (It's been hours since I heard 'Big Black Horse...')? I tell you, someone try to sell me a tampon or two (or maybe some footage of Hulk Hogan trying to buy some) or I'll go insane. I can't take aanother 15 second bit with a strange Chinese man with a tuba trying to sell me a Datsun from 250 miles to the north, where I suspect they are having a snowstorm right about now. You could have, at the very least, gotten an actor, a Chinese one even, to play the part of the dealership owner. I can't understand a word the real owner says, but he seems awefully damned happy. This. Also not good. It makes him seem a little bit shady. No one wants to by a car from a guy who could be a serial killer psycho or child molester. Can't pack the kiddies up and go 250 miles to buy a used mini-van when one of the kids could get 'touched' and not by the hand of God. So, please, no more! Play these ads in the early morning when no one is watching TV and the few that are have started their day (these would be people with actual jobs who could afford said used cars, no problem). They may even be thinking about buying a new car and even if they're 250 miles away, it could still give them some sort of idea about the kind of car they want to get. And you could feel proud of yourself for still trying to help.

BTW - Candy Lovers: Further Candy research has proven the Milky Way Bar by M&M-Mars to be not only a tasty candy, but also much, much easier to get into than the Kit-Kat. I have eaten several Milky Ways in the last couple of days and I have enjoyed all of them in a timely fashion.