Friday, February 10, 2006

Like Sayin' Rabies is Better Than Botulism...

So, after the chaos of being literally locked in the house all day yesterday, me and the pups were pretty worn by the time hubby finally got home and unlocked the door. Jezebelle went outside immediately and refused to come in for quite a while. Angus, as per usual played outside with her but didn't really seem to care either way.

It's not very likely he knew he was locked in. He's a dog. How much can he possibly understand.

After playing outside, they came in and were pretty mellow. Eventually, they both passed out on the couch with hubby watching 'Top Gear', which is a show I just get the point of, but after the day I had listening to Belle bark at the back door, I was just happy for the quiet time to finish up work on the design for BEG's quillow. The quiet was soon to be disturbed though, and by a most hilarious statement made by hubby.

He says, "Khrys, look at this." So I turn my desk chair around and see the Belle is all curled up at the end of the couch. She is totally passed out. Hubby then cuddles her and says...

"Oh Belle, your just like a daughter we have to take care of."
I immediately started laughing. She's like a daughter we have to take care of? What does he think one does with a real daughter? The word daughter sort of implies parents, which implies parenting and thus 'taking care of'.
He was all, "You know what I meant." I declared that I apparently did not, but then again it had been a long day thus far and it was possible that my brain wasn't functioning all that well. I decided to stick to my guns though.
So, what does hubby do? He decides to bust out the well known theory that I have been passing on for years...If I had kids, I would leave them at a bus station. He does this because he thinks he will at least come out even. He thinks that I say this because I am just as clueless as he is when it comes to what to do with a kid. But he still has no idea what he's talking about.
I have no parental skills. I don't want children. I'm not good with them. I know this. I was actually told by a teacher in high school after having taken a child development class for the easy A, that I was going to be a very bad mother (not a Bad Mutha like SHAFT). Needless to say, I did not get the easy A I was looking for in that class. After taking home the mechanical recorder doll and tossing it in the closet for a whole weekend, I didn't even pass the class.
It was just a doll. I knew that then. It didn't matter to me...this is why it ended up in the closet. The idea of leaving them at a bus station with some money would be in the hopes that they would find a better life with someone more suited to be a parent, not because I couldn't raise a child if I had to.
Keep in mind this is all hypothetical. Don't get your panties in a bunch. I have no children and there are no plans for them ever. There's also plenty of birth control in my life to prevent such an occurance. Plus, if there ever was a child, I swear on a stack of...DVD boxes to the movie Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag (I worship Pesci, remember. Not God) that I know better and would not actual leave said child/children at the bus station.
It's just a joke. It's funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! He still thinks he can use this against me though.
I explain to him...once again, how retarded he is...or at the very least how misguided he is. But he declares he would be a better parent than I would be.
Was I supposed to laugh at that. Neither one of us are suited to be in charge of tiny humans. We can barely handle the dogs and cats running amok around the house...and the house is gigantic. Plus, hubby likes his toys way too much. I like my freedom and what little sanity I have left in my possession. His saying he would be a better parent is pretty much be like saying rabies is better than botulism!
Needless to say, this debate did not end last night...and it'll probably never end, seeing as how there won't actually be children to test this on. Damned hypotheticals!


Blogger Black Eyed Gurl said...

In order for Hubby to be a better parent he'd actually have to be around occasionally. I mean we see how well he's done with the dogs (yeah, it's surprising they know who that tall guy with the funny camo hat is). You would so be a better parent. I trust that some day I will be able to entrust my future child in your care for at least a few hours, during which I expect you to let her eat all the sugar her little body can handle (unless she's a diabetic, but my kid won't be fat or need Diabete's camp), spoil her rotten and let her watch movies that I would frown upon (although you know me, so you'd basically be having to show my 3 year old snuff porn). Then I expect you to return her in a some what damaged state. BTW: She will never say to you 'You're not my mom' or 'You're not the boss of me' cos much as I am sub-wife you will be sub-mom and when mom is unavailable for or can no longer do the yelling, you will have to fill in for me. This will come in particular handy when I die unexpectedly as a result of my laborador retriever chewing my face off.
Okay done now. You'd still be the better parent...

2:43 PM  

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