Where's 'Slater' When You Need Him?

So, I watch/hear a lot of daytime TV...mostly on TNT. I really don't and haven't had time in years to watch a lot of the primetime and later night TV I would have liked. Basically I catch the shows I missed...years later, in re-run. Lately, I've been watching both hours of 'ER' (although, I actually still watch this on Thursday nights and BTW: WTF? was up with that season finale?), both hours of 'Judging Amy' (Because I came to realize this show wasn't nearly as sappy as it seemed when it was on) and then suddenly because I'm lazy, I just stopped changing the channel when 'NYPD Blue' started right after 'Amy'.

I actually watched 'NYPD Blue' when it was on, right up until Jimmy Smits died. The addition of Rick Shroeder scared the bejesus out of me, so I stopped watching and thus also missed the loss of Mr. Silver Spoons and the additions of Mark Paul Gosselaar and Esai Morales (Can anybody scream, "RICHIE!" from a bridge as well as he can? I don't think so. Sorry, I had to get a LaBamba reference in here somewhere). The re-runs I'm currently watching on TNT have both MPG and EM. Mmm...or so I thought.

I've been watching the 'NYPD Blue' re-runs for about three weeks now. Luckily, like 'ER' this show was on forever and one can easily pick it back up after a long time away. Nothing ever really changes, I guess is what I mean. Plus, along with EM and MPG, they also got Charlotte Ross, and as a child who grew up with a mother that watched 'Days of Our Lives', I remember her as Evie (daughter of Shane)...and then from failed (although it wasn't given much of a real chance) show 'The Heights'.

Everything was going well. MPG is still ultra-adorable. He even looks like he fits in with the cast and for all intents and purposes, he's not a horrible actor, nor was he a horrible addition to 'NYPD Blue' (EM on the other hand could have spent more time with less clothing on, but hey, it was what it was). MPG as Detective Clark even seemed convincing doing cop things and hangin' with Dennis Franz...

Anway, Sipowicz and Connie were having a battle for her sister's baby and planning to get married on the sly. MPG got a new girlfriend once the whole 'framed' thing went away and his dad died. Just swell...until yesterday.

MPG as Detective Clark was mostly naked, pouring honey from a honey bear (was there a need to drag the poor bear into this) on his mostly naked new girlfriend's back and licking it off. This would have been fine if it had been anyone other than MPG, formerly Zack Morris...wholesome, wholesome Zack Morris. I literally started to feel queasy and had to look away from the TV until it was over.

No one of the original 'Saved by the Bell' cast should be licking anything off of anyone in prime time or whatever...except for Tiffany Amber Theisen, whom actually wasn't a part of the original cast but anyway (I got over the trauma of her being naughty when she joined the 90210 cast and basically lost her mind). It was one of the most disturbing things I've ever had to witness, especially since no matter how old he gets, MPG will always be Zack Morris to me and like I said, wholesome. Where is Slater when you need him? Even the homo-erotic tendencies of his relationship with Zack Morris were less detrimental to my fragile mental health than seeing MPG licking the back of a half-naked woman, adult themed TV or not! I think I would have rather just seen Dennis Franz's naked ass again...at least that didn't mess with my childhood memories as much as the honey licking thing.